Home Again
I am home from my trip to Haiti. It was a great trip and I am glad I had the opportunity to see our new directors take up their calling and also to embrace my sons once again. It was short and that means I did not have as much time as I wanted to spend with the boys and the other children.
When I got home it was good to see my family again. I miss them so much when I am away from them. Caroline was sick on Sunday night so I didn't get much rest. Monday was clean the house day since I had left it a wreck. Now you can walk in my room without getting injured. Nice. I took Caroline to the doctor and she just had some kind of 24 hour virus. Today, homeschool is up and running- a little hard to get them focused after 4 days of playing with their Nana.
On a personal side, I am dealing with some very upsetting emotions. I am tired of people assuming that because we give a lot of focus to our adoption that we have forgotten the needs of our bio. children. I feel judged and criticized by certain people who do not live with me day in and day out to see how much attention my kids get. It is so easy to judge. Trust me I suffer from this problem so often when looking at other parents. Perhaps I am reaping what I have sown? Anyway, for those of you with bio kids that are adopting more you know how I feel. Everyone else, you don't. I love Jeff and David just as if they came from my womb. No difference between them and the homegrowns. I don't love them more or less than my three here at home. For those of you without adopted children, imagine if your bio child lived in a third world country out of your care. That's how I feel- except for me it is real, not hypothetical. Jeff and David are our sons and they are not in our care. It is the most horrible feeling a parent can feel. So don't say stupid things like, "Well, you've got three at home who need you." Yes, I do. Praise God, I do. And I do love them and care for them. But two are not home. Two are sleeping with rats and taking cold showers. Two are falling down without mommy to kiss it and make it feel better. Two are hungry at night because a hot dog bun with peanut butter is not enough. And a lot of other things that the three have never suffered because they are here with mom and dad in the land of plenty. I don't expect those who have never walked this road of adoption to understand. But I guess I do expect those who know me to have a little more sensitivity when talking to me about our family's choices.
Deep down inside I know this is just another way satan would like to attack us and divide us. I am praying hard about it all. I am not claiming that we have been perfect in our family's choices or in my own mothering skills. God knows me best. And I am listening to Him to hear what He has to say.
I apologize for the blog vomit. I will clean it up as soon as I feel better. :)
I will post pictures tomorrow.
When I got home it was good to see my family again. I miss them so much when I am away from them. Caroline was sick on Sunday night so I didn't get much rest. Monday was clean the house day since I had left it a wreck. Now you can walk in my room without getting injured. Nice. I took Caroline to the doctor and she just had some kind of 24 hour virus. Today, homeschool is up and running- a little hard to get them focused after 4 days of playing with their Nana.
On a personal side, I am dealing with some very upsetting emotions. I am tired of people assuming that because we give a lot of focus to our adoption that we have forgotten the needs of our bio. children. I feel judged and criticized by certain people who do not live with me day in and day out to see how much attention my kids get. It is so easy to judge. Trust me I suffer from this problem so often when looking at other parents. Perhaps I am reaping what I have sown? Anyway, for those of you with bio kids that are adopting more you know how I feel. Everyone else, you don't. I love Jeff and David just as if they came from my womb. No difference between them and the homegrowns. I don't love them more or less than my three here at home. For those of you without adopted children, imagine if your bio child lived in a third world country out of your care. That's how I feel- except for me it is real, not hypothetical. Jeff and David are our sons and they are not in our care. It is the most horrible feeling a parent can feel. So don't say stupid things like, "Well, you've got three at home who need you." Yes, I do. Praise God, I do. And I do love them and care for them. But two are not home. Two are sleeping with rats and taking cold showers. Two are falling down without mommy to kiss it and make it feel better. Two are hungry at night because a hot dog bun with peanut butter is not enough. And a lot of other things that the three have never suffered because they are here with mom and dad in the land of plenty. I don't expect those who have never walked this road of adoption to understand. But I guess I do expect those who know me to have a little more sensitivity when talking to me about our family's choices.
Deep down inside I know this is just another way satan would like to attack us and divide us. I am praying hard about it all. I am not claiming that we have been perfect in our family's choices or in my own mothering skills. God knows me best. And I am listening to Him to hear what He has to say.
I apologize for the blog vomit. I will clean it up as soon as I feel better. :)
I will post pictures tomorrow.
Comments
You summed it up and I have said it a hundred times or more, if you haven't adopted you don't get it.
Praise God He chose me to get it!
In times of discouragement or criticism from some, remember the many who are standing with you in friendship and prayer.
"getting it" isn't about having adopted or not. It's about holding onto God's truth and not "the wisdom of the world." What would today's naysayers think about Abraham's willingness to sacrifice Isaac to obey God?
Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Do not become weary in doing good, girlfriend! We're here for you, and we know that you would do anything for any of your 5 children!
In one of his books (I think it was "Six Hours One Friday," but don't quote me on that), Max Lucado wrote about taking his child to her first day of kindergarten. He wrote about all the emotions he had and how hard it was to let her go. Then he wrote about the fact that he knew the people in the school would be taking care of her; but that when God sent His Son, He knew He would be mocked, beaten & killed.
Your Haitian children are being cared for, though not by you. That hurts (badly), and we can feel it in every word you say and write. But take comfort in knowing that God knows exactly how you feel, having been through worse (in order to adopt us, He had to sacrifice His own bio child).
I'm taking this a bit out of context, but the sentiment is the same: "He will keep you strong to the end. . .God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says. . ." 1 Cor 1:9, NLT
As insensitive as the words of those who don't "get it" can be, I'm sure they were trying to be comforting (maybe refocus your attention?). Proverbs 12:18 says, "Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing." Speak aloud the omnipotent words of our Lord over the situation and the hearts of those who've hurt you. He'll bring healing.
We love you!
Leigh
The passion born within our hearts for our children that are so far away from us right now is a supernatural act of God. He put that longing and passion in our hearts. It's healthy and it is right. If we didn't feel this way then we couldn't make it through this long, hard process.
Thanks for posting this. Now I know that I'm not the only one that has to deal with this!