In America, You're Mama; In Haiti, You're April
This is what my son, Jeff informed me of the other day.
If you read my post, Spirit of Adoption, you know that Jeff has really taken his time to warm up to me. This last visit, there was an obvious change in this boy's heart toward me. He let me hold him, kiss him, snuggle, etc. more than previous trips. He found his place near me. It was more than nice. David, on the other hand, had moments of detachment. I think he is scared that perhaps my coming and going is a permanent behavior- after all, that is how it is with his birth mom. This breaks my heart. I have prayed so hard for God to move on our adoption and that these boys will soon be home. Daily I am reminded of God's timing and trusting in the execution of His plan.
The other night at our prayer service, the Holy Spirit brought to my mind the story of the woman with an issue of blood. She had lived twelve years full of suffering, being unclean, weak, and anemic...can I just say, I cannot relate? For twelve years it was not her time to be healed. But one day- out of her desperation and complete surrender- she presses through the crowd. She reaches with perhaps all her strength to simply touch the fringe of his garment as her mind repeats, "If only, if only". God's timing and her faith merge at this moment and instantly she is whole. In contemplation of these verses I have considered anew another dimension of God's timing- the role of desperate faith. The kind of faith that stretches up off the bed of misery, soiled garments and all, and says "If only". If only I could get through this crowd (most of whom would have had a levitical conniption knowing an unclean woman was touching him). If only I can touch Jesus. If only I could get to Him. If only I could touch his robe. If only. Then I know that I can be whole. Then I can touch others. Then I can be free. Then. I thought of Laura M and how in her desperation she has gone solo to Haiti to get her kids' visas despite the hold ups, miscommunication, holiday closings, personal illness and lack of complete funds- all in an effort to make her family whole. I think of myself and my personal need to touch Him daily. I think of how many times I have thought, "if only" but did not press through in prayer.
If you read my post, Spirit of Adoption, you know that Jeff has really taken his time to warm up to me. This last visit, there was an obvious change in this boy's heart toward me. He let me hold him, kiss him, snuggle, etc. more than previous trips. He found his place near me. It was more than nice. David, on the other hand, had moments of detachment. I think he is scared that perhaps my coming and going is a permanent behavior- after all, that is how it is with his birth mom. This breaks my heart. I have prayed so hard for God to move on our adoption and that these boys will soon be home. Daily I am reminded of God's timing and trusting in the execution of His plan.
The other night at our prayer service, the Holy Spirit brought to my mind the story of the woman with an issue of blood. She had lived twelve years full of suffering, being unclean, weak, and anemic...can I just say, I cannot relate? For twelve years it was not her time to be healed. But one day- out of her desperation and complete surrender- she presses through the crowd. She reaches with perhaps all her strength to simply touch the fringe of his garment as her mind repeats, "If only, if only". God's timing and her faith merge at this moment and instantly she is whole. In contemplation of these verses I have considered anew another dimension of God's timing- the role of desperate faith. The kind of faith that stretches up off the bed of misery, soiled garments and all, and says "If only". If only I could get through this crowd (most of whom would have had a levitical conniption knowing an unclean woman was touching him). If only I can touch Jesus. If only I could get to Him. If only I could touch his robe. If only. Then I know that I can be whole. Then I can touch others. Then I can be free. Then. I thought of Laura M and how in her desperation she has gone solo to Haiti to get her kids' visas despite the hold ups, miscommunication, holiday closings, personal illness and lack of complete funds- all in an effort to make her family whole. I think of myself and my personal need to touch Him daily. I think of how many times I have thought, "if only" but did not press through in prayer.
Comments
Thank you for sharing!